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Salad of Doom (Mischief, 2010)

from Witchy Ways: an October Mix​-​tape by S. J. Tucker

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"Do you know any songs about salads?"
There was a beat, Betsy and I locked eyes, and I immediately started typing lyrics. A song was born. We retreated to the music room, giggling and grabbing for instruments. Twenty minutes later, we emailed the questioner back with an mp3 and said "We do now." She responded with "falls off chair. Woman! I was kidding!"

Read more at: s00j.livejournal.com/216132.html

From S. J.:
"I chose "Salad of Doom" for the Witchy Ways mix tape because sometimes you need the silly mixed in with the scary in order to get by. Call it my tribute to Attack of the Killer Tomatoes if you like; it's spawned some of the best concert sing-along moments ever! This is for all those Trick-or-Treaters who've ever dressed up as vegetables."

A portion of all download sales of WITCHY WAYS goes to support Wolf Haven International, as part of the Online Hallowe'en Artists' Studio Trick-or-Treat.

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More about the Hallowe'en Artists' Studio Trick-or-Treat:


Beware the Bleu Cheese of Redmond
and the honey-mustard of gloom
Be careful how you stick your fork into
the Notorious Salad of Doom

An army of croutons comes crunching
while sinister spinach doth creep
invading the heart of your luncheon
and stirring your belly from sleep

Tempting and colorful veggies
seek only to draw you in
and learning your fate, you'll find it's too late
as dressing drips from your chin!

iceberg lettuce
will come to chill your soul
don't say we didn't warn you
as you blindly fill up your bowl!

Dress it in flowers and clover,
but it consumes you still!
In leather and lace,
past the bounds of good taste,
this salad is dressed to kill!

The popping of cherry tomatoes
resounds throughout the land!
Innocence lost when the salad was tossed,
but Dave was just feeding the band!!

Iceberg lettuce
will come to chill your soul
don't say we didn't warn you
as you blithely fill up your bowl, oh,
heads of lettuce will roll!

Oh, Health nuts, seek other nutrition!
Vegans, best run from the room!
Be careful how you stick your fork into
the Notorious Salad of Doom

Woe to the grazers of green things,
whose stomachs will growl all too soon!
We'll lose all we love in the tastiness of
The Notorious Salad of Doom


from Witchy Ways: an October Mix​-​tape, released October 1, 2013
from Mischief, released 16 July 2010
Words by S. J. Tucker & Betsy Tinney, music by S. J. Tucker
Guitars, vocals: S. J. Tucker
Cello: Betsy Tinney
Army of Croutons: Michelle Dockrey, Torrey Stenmark, David Tinney, James Tinney, S. J. Tucker, Kevin Wiley
Damsels of Doom: Susan Lanphere, Betsy Tinney, Katie Tinney
Doom descant: Michelle Dockrey
Tracked and mixed by Tony Fabris, Monkey Brains Studios, Seattle


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S. J. Tucker Perry, Arkansas

“Without our songs and stories, we are nothing.” S. J. Tucker has been captain of her own music career since 2004, when she left the workaday world behind to sing songs and change lives. Tucker is the voice of lore at the campfire and the sharp laughter of modern myth. With one hand anchored in her art and the other held out to us, she is songs and stories, community and wit. ... more


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